Image: Sujati Dalal
Firstly, I must apologise. It’s been more than two years… and this is why (#excuses).
I let the behaviour of others negatively influence my motivation, my creativity and my productivity. Some of you may be able to relate… and if not, then please give me your hot tips on how to handle! Here’s my take on the situation.
I’ve often thought “I’m the luckiest girl alive” when I think of roles I’ve held in the past. I certainly thought that with a job I held recently in a company that I even referred to as my “forever home”. Owner operated with four different yet amazing shareholders, I was entrusted to completely manage people and culture and ensure engagement and employee satisfaction. I loved it.
I was cruising along nicely. I got that job I’d been chasing, a senior GM level (using my own HR Hot Tips – forgive the shameless cheeky plug there). Things were going well at work. I was a high performer and delivering on time and to an excellent standard. The culture was great, the people were fantastic, and I could never dream of leaving because it didn’t get better than this.
Enter stage right CEO from hell. Alleged leadership skills, they came in and gave no regard to our people, their backgrounds, and ultimately was a bully. He bullied many people out of the business, including myself, the CFO, and some long term, dedicated employees because he decided we weren’t good enough. (And people are still dropping like flies in that place).
Then there’s the “friend” I had for 25 years who decided to break up with me via PDF, including a four page diatribe of everything I had done wrong in our relationship, that she failed to share with me throughout.
These two discoveries lead to a lot of self-doubt, lack of confidence and ultimately a decline in my performance in all areas of my life. They got under my skin. Because of the friend, I hadn’t written a blog in two years. Because of the CEO, I lost a little confidence in myself and my abilities.
Why do we let the opinions of others ruin our self-worth and self-esteem, when it’s their actions and words that lead us there? Why do we believe the word of individuals who should mean nothing to us? Why does it sting? The great Eleanor Roosevelt said:
“No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent”
It’s so easy to say oh just get over it, but actually doing that is a very different story.
I am pleased to say I’m back on my feet and have overcome the hurt these two instances have caused. It has been a challenge, but other people’s behaviour and feelings are really out of our control. However, it doesn’t make it any easier to feel great about yourself after going through turmoil such as the above.
I put it down to integrity. CEO has no integrity and doesn’t embrace people’s differences. My friend lied to me for 25 years and broke up with me in the most horrible of ways. I guess it wasn’t a real friendship after all if she couldn’t be honest with me.
It’s always good to self reflect, but take on the feedback you give yourself, and the feedback your loved ones give you. Insignificant people can tend to play a significant part in our mental wellbeing, but in the cases of the above I come back to self-love and think to myself “I’m glad I’m me and not them.”
If you’re struggling with a bully or a “friend” situation, I’d be glad to chat about it. Sometimes an outside perspective or a different ear can help you realign your viewpoint and regain your confidence. I enjoy working in HR and I enjoy writing my blogs, poetry and music, and I’m disappointed in myself I let them steal that joy from me. There is that saying “never say never”, but I hope I can never let people like the above get under my skin in the future. I feel stronger, I back myself and I believe in myself. And writing this blog for the first time in 2 years has sincerely helped.
If you have any similar stories to share, I’d love to hear them!
I wish you all the best for 2025 and all the goals we are going to accomplish. We got this!
#bullying #harassment #legal #workplace #confidence #growth #integrity #friendship
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